Funny Family Quotes

I never forget my wife’s birthday. It’s usually the day after she reminds me about it.
Author Unknown

The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven’s lieutenants.
Shakespeare

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint is not intended.
Robert Frost

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
Francis Bacon

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.
Benjamin Franklin

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
Michael Levine

In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry'.
Margaret Laurence

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Author Unknown

Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.
Elizabeth II

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.
Charles Dickens

My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called 'Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.'
Penelope Lombard

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Sam Levenson

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
Jane Howard

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Ogden Nash

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
George Bernard Shaw

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.
Jeff Foxworthy

When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.
George Bernard Shaw

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.
Bob Hope

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
Douglas Adams

Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.
Chinese Proverb

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Oscar Wilde

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to.
Dodie Smith

Better a loving single-parent family than a 'conventional' family where the parents hate each other and the father is a demagogue.
Moby

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
Robert Frost